I would love for you to engage in a thought experiment with me.
In order for this to be effective, you will need to suspend your disbelief and imagine a world wildly different than the one that you currently live in. Now that you are in the right headspace, we can begin.
Imagine that you are back in high school. For some of us, that is 20+ years ago, while for others it may be a fresh enough memory to still feel the grain on your homeroom desk. Regardless of the time that has passed, I want us to hop into our mental time machines and transport ourselves back there.
Now, let’s assume that it’s Friday night and we are preparing to join our friends, bracing ourselves for a fun night of memorable experiences. Like most students our age, we hope that this night out with our people is filled with inside jokes, great food, and experiences that strengthen the bond of friendship.
As a student, there is almost no feeling like the weekend. No more worrying about schoolwork, though we may still have assignments that need to be done. And tonight is about friends. See, you have been preparing for this specific Friday night for the better part of four months and it’s finally here. Tonight is the night that you and your friends have a chance to close the book on a wonderful run! You know that you are the perfect team. You work well together, play to each other’s strengths while covering weaknesses. You’ve been nigh undefeatable, though still learning from mistakes made along the way. And tonight… tonight is the night that it all comes to a head. The prize is yours for the taking if you can overcome this final obstacle.
For some readers, I am describing the feelings you may have had leading up to the championship game of your basketball, volleyball, soccer, or football team. For others, I am describing the conclusion of a tabletop role-playing game’s campaign or the payoff that comes with winning an esports tournament. Both of these scenarios are completely valid and hold equal weight for the individual. Yet a student who engages in sports is more often accepted in common social circles, while the nerd who enjoys the fantasy aspects of their hobby is not.
In 2022, the Netflix TV series Stranger Things doubled down on its emphasis on the tabletop role-playing game Dungeons and Dragons. It highlighted the growing tension in Lucas, a series staple, being torn between his growing popularity through sports and his TTRPG party, who had been with him from the beginning. He finds himself at an early, yet pivotal crossroads, when the championship basketball game coincides with the epic conclusion of the high school group’s fantasy campaign. In a move that is equal parts ignorance and importance, Lucas asks the group to do one of two things: either move the final session or find someone else to cover his slot.
His friends are visibly hurt and offer the very same paths for his championship game, telling him to simply ask “them” to move the game. While anyone who understands how a basketball tournament structure works would see their request as ridiculous and Lucas’ option as the more reasonable of the two, that’s not really the point. What we learn from this fictional exchange, rooted in real-world emotions, is that these kids are just as invested in the conclusion of their campaign as any athlete in the final game of their season. They see no difference.
Visual parables like Stranger Things, coupled with real-world examples in my own life and that of those around me, have led me to a greater and deeper understanding of an effective principle for advancing the gospel in almost any situation, and that is simply to communicate this: What you love matters because it matters to you, and you matter to God.
So often, we approach people around us with a worldview littered with ignorance. I don’t mean that in the negative connotation that it often holds, but rather the literal definition of the word as a lack of knowledge. It’s a much easier route to vilify something than to understand it, or so we think. To learn about the things that we don’t understand, the spaces where people are finding love, joy, peace, acceptance, and fulfillment – all of the things that we Christians find in Jesus Christ – this would take a tremendous amount of time and energy. It can be easier to simply assume that we are right and project that narrative on the world around us.
Herein lies the major problem with that approach (other than it making us look foolish and damaging our witness to the people we are called to love). When we look at someone who, for better or worse, finds fulfillment in these fantasy endeavors, and we dismiss what matters to them as stupid at best or demonic at worst… well, that often ends up doing far more damage than it does good.
Interactions like that virtually sever any relational ties we have with that person, as if with our sharpest pair of scissors. After that, the damage is done, and then we wonder why, when we come back and try to offer them legitimate advice, they brush us off and refuse to follow sound teaching. I believe that it is a direct correlation to how we have treated them. Why should they believe anything we have to say when we have very clearly shown them that we do not care about the things that they care about?
The flawed approach I just described is a knee-jerk reaction that falls in line with an aspect of basic human condition: our fear of the dark. This innate fear of the unknown tends to drive decisions that we make outside of survival scenarios. It bleeds into spaces like conversations about trading card games, tabletop games, movies, music, and more. We tend to let our biases or secondhand claims drive our understanding of any given situation rather than any personal experience or research.
I am not suggesting that you should be completely okay with any of the aforementioned games or media. What I am saying is that if you are going to stand in direct opposition to them, you need to do your homework, because the chances are high that you, or someone coming after you, will need to share the very heavy truth of Jesus and His love for them. And I promise you that the gospel is hard enough to communicate in those moments without the need to battle against preconceived notions about Christian authority figures in their life who never even took the time to ask what they found so enticing about any of those things.
People are far more likely to listen to the things that we have to say if we first take the time to listen to them talk about the things that they are passionate about. This is a simple principle of relationships that I believe can be extrapolated into any area of ministry and beyond, and I would love to give you a few practical steps to help you build a better and more functional relationship with people who are far from the Lord.
Be an Active Listener
When people speak, simply listen. Hear the words that they are saying and make note of some of the keywords they are using. There is no action to this step, just using your best ability to pay attention when someone is talking. I know how easy it can be to zone out or think about the next thing that you are going to say, but resist those urges and focus.
Do Your Research
Take the keywords you acquired from the active listening step and plug them into Google or your favorite AI of choice. Questions that may have been embarrassing to ask in the moment can be researched in confidence through the anonymity of the internet. “What does ‘cranking 90s’ mean when someone is playing Fortnite?” Once you find a solid article answering your question, you should spend some time on that page. You don’t need to become an expert, and there is no need to overwhelm yourself. Just learn five things you did not know before, and jot them down.
Ask Intelligent Questions
Now that you have a brand new set of conversation starters, you can walk confidently into your next engagement with that person. The beauty of it is that all you need to do is wait for the appropriate time and ask a question about one of the things that you learned. It’s fine – even if you already know the answer. We talk with people about things that we already know all the time without a drop of malicious intent, and this is no different.
These three steps will go a long way in showing a person that you care about them and the things that they care about as well. You will have a better understanding of what they get out of their time spent in those spaces, which can help you better understand the vacancy they have that only Jesus can fill.
The world is full of people trying to get others to conform to their way of thinking and understanding. Be different. Stand out from the white noise of the rest of the herd. Cut through the barriers that have been built before you and do the hard work of the gospel by loving people enough to hear their stories, and understanding their hurts and passions. Identify them as a person that Jesus loves, rather than a conversion to be reported.
When Jesus met the Samaritan woman at Jacob’s Well in John 4, He absolutely had the thing that she needed in eternal life. But His approach to offering it to her, though accelerated, was still about knowing her situation and offering her the best possible way out of it. Jesus knew her better than anyone else did, and it moved her to change.
When we take the time to invest relationally in people, we are given the opportunity to introduce them to the real, tangible love of Jesus Christ. This is the approach that I have seen change the hearts and minds of those who are far from God time and time again. While not the only method of effective evangelism, it’s one that I hope you have in your backpack because a relationship built in the right way can lead someone right into the throne room of the Creator of the Universe.
So, whether you deal with people who play fantasy games, sports, trade on the New York Stock Exchange, or work at your local grocery store, take the time to get to know them. You may just be surprised at how close to Jesus they become because you took the time to care about them when so many other people won’t.
