This Should Be Normal
We were hosting CTRL+ALT+RECOVER – an online conference built around Christ-centered recovery for digital missionaries.
Mid-conference, a pastor friend texted me: “Hey, how’s the event going?” I looked at the screen. A man from South Africa was on stage, sharing his story – openly and unashamedly – about years of hidden porn addiction that nearly cost him everything. I texted back: “He’s talking about recovering from porn addiction while leading in ministry.”
My friend responded, “Wow, that’s not something you hear every day at a church conference.” I didn’t even hesitate. “It should be.” That kind of honesty shouldn’t be rare in the body of Christ. It should be normal. Not shocking. Not whispered. Normal.
The Dark Can’t Heal You – But the Light Can
We talk a lot about reaching dark places. Whether it’s through pulpits or podcasts, livestreams or stages – we preach the gospel to the world. We challenge others to walk in the light. To confess. To repent. To heal. But here’s what we don’t say: We’re often hiding from that same light ourselves.
We teach transparency but live in secrecy. We disciple others while spiritually bleeding out. We tell people to confess while dying inside from the things we refuse to face. Let’s call this what it is. It’s killing us. Slowly. Quietly. And sometimes publicly, when it finally breaks.
This Isn’t Just a Digital Problem – It’s a Ministry Problem
It doesn’t matter if you’re in the metaverse or in a megachurch. Behind a pulpit or behind a webcam. Leading in Roblox or rural Alabama. The weight is the same. The mask is the same. And the silence is just as loud.
There’s something deeply broken when pastors feel more pressure to perform than to be real… when we preach grace while hiding from it ourselves. Whether your platform is a stage or a stream, this truth still holds: Ministry is the perfect place to hide your pain – until it breaks you.
I’ve Been There
This isn’t theory. This is testimony. I’ve felt the slow decay of sin that was never confessed. I’ve watched it eat away at my marriage, my calling, and my sanity. What started small became like cancer – growing, mutating, dominating everything under the surface.
I became numb. Angry. Tired. I nearly walked away from it all. The turning point came not in some mountaintop moment, but in the quiet pain of surrender. Letting Jesus cut deep. Facing the wounds I never wanted to name. It hurt. There were scars. But the healing was real. And Jesus was right there, the entire time.
Your Honesty Is More Powerful Than Your Platform
Ministry doesn’t need more experts. It needs more humans. More leaders willing to say, “I struggle too.” If you think your effectiveness comes from how put together you are, you’re missing the whole point of grace.
People don’t connect with your theology first. They connect with your tears. Your honesty. Your “I get it” moments. It’s not your perfection that gives your voice weight. It’s your transparency. That’s what reaches people.
We’ve Made Performance Normal. Let’s Make Wholeness Normal
Ministry has a burnout crisis. And we’re still treating it like a footnote. We talk strategy. Growth. Engagement. Attendance. Analytics. But we rarely talk about the crushing silence leaders feel when the lights go off or the livestream ends.
We don’t talk about the pastors battling addiction. The youth leader drowning in anxiety. The missionary stuck in deconstruction but too afraid to say it out loud. We’ve normalized the hustle. But we’ve neglected the healing. And it’s catching up with us.
You Don’t Need a New Platform – You Need a Soul Reset
This isn’t about quitting ministry. It’s about redefining it. You were never meant to lead from burnout. You were never designed to fake your way through it. The pressure to be “on” all the time is demonic. It will crush your family. Distort your faith. Destroy your identity.
Jesus didn’t invite you into ministry so you could perform. He called you so you could serve from overflow. And that overflow begins with your own healing. You can’t give what you’ve buried. You can’t lead where you won’t go yourself.
If You’re Going to Shine a Light in the Darkness…
…then it needs to shine in you, too. That’s not just poetic. That’s survival. If you want to reach dark places, you have to deal with the ones inside of you first – that hidden pain, that secret habit, that trauma you buried under “I’m fine.”
Jesus isn’t waiting for you to fix yourself before you come clean. He’s already there – in the mess, in the silence, in the shame. And He’s not disgusted. He’s ready to restore you. You don’t need to hide from Him. You need to let Him in.
This Is Recovery. And It Shouldn’t Be Rare
The fact that we don’t hear stories like that South African leader’s more often is proof that we’ve made healing taboo. We’ve created spaces where vulnerability feels unsafe. Where sin feels disqualifying. Where burnout is seen as weakness.
We’ve created pulpits and platforms that don’t feel human anymore. But here’s the truth: Being broken doesn’t make you less of a leader. It makes you real. And real is what this world actually responds to. Real is what draws people to Jesus.
This Is for You, Too
This isn’t just for the streamers. Not just for digital missionaries. This is for anyone who’s ever carried the weight of ministry and thought, “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” This is for the pastor preaching while empty. The leader showing up while falling apart.
The missionary smiling in public and spiraling in private. You’re not disqualified. You’re not alone. You’re not done. This is your lifeline. Your moment to stop the spiral. You’re not failing – you’re just human.
This Is Your Permission Slip
Not to quit – but to stop pretending. To be human. To confess. To heal. This isn’t the end. It’s your new beginning. Let Jesus do what only He can: cut through the noise, clean out the rot, and restore what’s been stolen.
You don’t have to flame out to reset. You don’t have to hide to keep leading. You don’t need to collapse before you change. You just need to be willing to tell the truth – first to yourself, then to Him.
Final Word
As leaders, we need to be honest about what hurts – even if it means change in the church. This is about building a new culture – one where healing is celebrated, not silenced and where leaders are allowed to be whole before they’re expected to be helpful.
Whether you lead in Discord or from a stage, whether you wear headphones or hold a mic, the call is the same: Let the light you carry shine in you first. This is your invitation. This is your comeback. Scars and all.
